Wednesday, April 18, 2007

You Can Have My Gamepad When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Fingers

Now that all of New Yorks major problems have been solved, Gov. Spitzer has decided to crack down on the insidious pixellated threat that lurks in our living rooms.

Gov. Eliot Spitzer will take a shot at violent videos and video games as part his remaining 2007 legislative agenda that includes campaign finance reform, streamlining the courts, and energy development.

Spitzer said he will soon provide a bill that would target the ratings of video movies and video games "'that are often violent and degrading"' and can hurt children who repeatedly use and view them.

Spitzer said he wants to restrict access to these videos and games by children, similar to motion picture regulations which prohibit youths under 17 from being admitted to R-rated movies without a parent or adult guardian.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the ultimate expression of the "For the children!" mentality.

I won't dwell on the fact that the system Spitzer proposes already exists. I won't mention that every major game publisher already uses a rating system nearly identical to the one used by the Motion Picture Association of America. I'll avoid pointing out that every game retailer already has policies in place that prevent children from getting games with an inappropriate age rating.

Instead, I'd like to take a moment to ask Gov. Spitzer, in all seriousness, if he's out of his mind. This is what you're worried about? This is the major crisis the state is facing? Are you kidding me?

Remember the whole "Appalachia" thing? Yeah? Well, guess what. We're still here. Call me crazy, but I don't think a bunch a pre-teens getting their hands on a copy of "Halo" comes close to the huge chunk of your state that's suffering double-digit population losses in importance. Before you start worrying about Mario's repeated unprovoked attacks on innocent mushrooms you might want to consider taking a look upstate. We have a few teensy, tiny little problems that could use some attention.