Sunday, April 22, 2007

Larry Tanoury Lays It Down

Larry Tanoury has risen to the challenge:

UPDATE: This blogger continues to question this "MySpace" account. As if there aren't any real issues to discuss. They have asked "what song was on the profile." What does it matter? As I stated, I deleted the account in order to avoid dirty tactics like these.

Well, no, you didn't say that, at least until now. And your account wasn't deleted, it was switched from public to private three hours after the cognitive dissonance between your public and private persona was pointed out on an internet message board.

I don't remember exactly what song they are looking for, as I would often change songs. I believe the last song was "Cake" by 50 Cent. You say you have it archived, I say release it so that everyone can see how rediculous this whole conversation is.

See, that wasn't hard, was it? People like politicians that are open and honest. After all, what could possibly be offensive about a song? It's just words and music, right? The very idea that your theme song could be "embarrassing" is laughable on it's face, which is why this whole brouhaha is, as you point out, so trivial.

Really, people are so thin skinned these days.

I would like to point out, in the interest of fairness, that Mr. Cent is merely a featured artist. The credit for the song itself belongs to the talented Lloyd Banks, who deserves all the credit for lyrics that flow off the tongue like fine poetry:

I need the cake nigga!
The Unit dont play, we rap but we strapped
Buck got the shotgun, 50 got the Mac
Spider got the sweeper and he dyin to hear it clap
you wont have another birthday (cake) after that
cuz Yayo got a temper and he dont know how to act
and Ive been gone a winter, but now a nigga back
to get the (money)all the (money)all the(money)all the(money)all the (cake!)

[Verse- LLoyd Banks]
And you mutherfuckas looking like steak
food on the plate, for the wolves, follow moves,
dont get moved by the tools, blood'll ooze on ya shoes
Wait!, control ya hate, you aint ridin in them sixes
(Why?), cuz you spendin all ya (cake) on them bitches
I need the bread, lil niggas need christmas
Banks dont rap with a backpack, im in it for the
(money)all the (money)all the(money)all the(money)all the (cake!)

[Verse-50 Cent]
haha, you heard Banks say it so you know i got the Mac
I'll pull up pull out spray hollows at ya back
i dont give a fuck its goin down like that
i dun been thru everyhood that niggas gonna rat
in the heart of a victim, murder is monumental
i dont complicate shit kid, i keep it simple
my bullet wounds will tell you a story bout what i been through
Southside trauma, drama with the llamas
i converstate with killers its usually bout life
politic with lawness its usually bout white
im da posterchild of violence im the boy on the poster
when the shots start to ring out im the boy with the toaster
yea listen up clicko, i hustle i get dough
you fuckin with a sicko, i spaz let a clip go
cannon out the rental, beam to ya temple
i squeez blow ya mental, all over ya friends

[Verse-Lloyd Banks]
me im from the street, we aint nothin sweet
the home of the homi's, theres a body everyweek
now i dont hear the sirens but they probably on a creep
plottin to pull me over, plant the (cake) in my jeep
so i'll be skippin cities, 7 states in a week
cant a mutherfucka breathin and tell me i cant eat
show me the (money)of the (money)of the(money)of the(money)of the (cake!)
nigga slowdown pump ya brakes
no mistakes cuz them jakes run the plates
then ya headed upstate for rollin round with a steak
nigga start up a beef, and run straight to the cops
you a bitch ass nigga the cup(cake) of the block
any nigga disrespect the clique gettin shot
round here niggas get found upside down over the
(money)all the (money)all the(money)all the(money)all the (cake!)

Well. That was uplifting.

Since Mr. Tanoury has pointed out my cultural ignorance several times, I'd like to defend myself by listing the lessons I've learned from his theme song.

1. "Nigga" isn't really an offensive word.

2. When you're confronted by armed men, one with a pump shotgun, one with a MAC-10, and one with a cut-down fully-automatic shotgun, the one to watch out for is the one with the fully-automatic shotgun.

3. Good financial planning is ruined when you use an excessive amount of your income to impress "bitches".

4. The MAC-10 machine pistol is particularly effective when firing hollow-point bullets.

5. When a gunfight erupts, aim for the head.

6. Police want to pull you over and plant "cake" in your car. From the word usage I'm beginning to think the "cake" in question isn't from Sarah Lee.

7. If you start a confrontation and then go to the police for protection you're a "bitch ass nigga".

I'd like to thank Mr. Tanoury for providing me with this educational experience. I think we all owe him a big debt of gratitude for what we've learned today.