Eight Random Facts

Someone emailed me the "Eight Random Facts About You" meme that's been floating around for a while. You know how it works- you get to read eight facts about your friends or acquaintances and then they use peer pressure to get you to do the same.

Initially I was just going to ignore it and send it off to the trash bin because, one, I'd much rather gossip about other people, and two, I like my anonymity. Then I realized there isn't much material in the news to write about today, encouraging people to attend next week's Great American Irish Festival is a poor excuse for content, and I need to update daily if I actually want anyone to keep reading this thing.

So here are eight random facts that will help you while away the next few minutes of your life. Emphasis on the "random".

1. I've had two articles published in scholarly journals with really long names. The first on deep immersion naval technology and the second on the use of barrier creams for diving in extreme water conditions.

2. I recycled most of those two articles for a game that had some measure of popularity throughout the 90's. A lot more people bought copies of the game than ever read the serious articles.

3. I didn't learn to swim until I was 24.

4. I have a third nipple. So does my oldest son. That is why Francisco Scaramanga from "The Man with the Golden Gun" is the coolest Bond villain ever.

5. I have a hideously detailed reproduction of Scaramanga's Golden Gun on my fireplace mantel. It disassembles into a functional lighter, cigarette case, cufflink, and pen just like the original movie prop. Sadly, it can't fire the fake 4.2mm golden bullet included with the gun.

6. I paid for my non-scholarship college expenses by driving a bulldozer. The cockpit of a bulldozer in the summer sun is the hottest place on earth.

7. I once spent a night behind bars because I matched the description of a gun smuggler. The Border Patrol was extremely apologetic when they realized I wasn't the man they were looking for.

8. My father died when I was very young. Two years ago I discovered he wasn't my father after all, and I have no idea who my real father is. On the bright side, now I know why I'm a foot taller than my siblings.

Update: Someone emailed to find out where they could get one of the "Golden Gun" reproductions. Unfortunately, the makers of the gun, SD Studios, went under after only producing a limited run of the prop in the late 90's. A few come up on Ebay every year, so that's probably your best bet. If you're interested in other spy props you need to pay a visit to The Spy Boys for their incredible selection of items. I'll warn you ahead of time that once you go there you can kiss your next few paychecks goodbye.