Magical Utica

This is a pretty damn geeky post, so if you're here for the usual political stuff you should probably just scroll down now. If you happen to be a fan of "The Dresden Files" or pen-and-paper RPGs you're going to love it.

I spent a large part of my youth, as well as a few bits of my adulthood, heavily involved in tabletop role-playing games. Unlike most of my contemporaries my first RPG wasn't "Dungeons & Dragons", but the old "Space Opera" game from FGU. After reading a glowing review of the game by the late John M. Ford I saved up my allowance for a month and sent off for a copy from a mail-order game store.

Ten minutes after I opened the box I was hooked. A week later all my friends were equally addicted.

After "Space Opera" we moved on to "Traveller" before finally hopping on-board the "Dungeons & Dragons" juggernaut, flirting with the totally whacked-out play style of "Arduin", and eventually returning to "Space Opera" to create an insanely complicated homebrew fantasy system. Those were good times, and we kept playing pretty regularly until a few years after high-school. Since then I've only played occasionally, but I did do some writing for a few published supplements in the mid to late 90's.

That gives you a little perspective on why I thought this vision of Utica for the "Dresden Files" RPG was so cool. It's worth taking the time to read the whole writeup, but I thought their take on Varick Street was particularly clever:

The idea behind Varick Street was vaguely similar to that behind Genesee, in that we could encompass a region instead of a single location. Varick is a street of bars, lots and lots of bars, ending at the large Utica Brewery. So…it’s got a bit of a beer theme. The aspect, Love the Night Life, is meant to indicate how much of Utica’s night life is here, at Varick Street, just as much of its day life is at Genesee Street. Perhaps most importantly, though, the aspect also points to the danger of Varick Street: with so many people out there having a good time, getting drunk, Varick is a magnet for any Red Court vampires in the city. There aren’t too many in the city at the moment, but those who are here frequent the area, if only to feed.

Even if you're not a Dresden or RPG fan the description of Mayor Roefaro scores pretty high on the lulz meter.

Update: I just remembered that Utica was the setting for at least one published adventure for White Wolf's "Werewolf" setting.

Update: Aha! I was thinking of "Forgotten Lessons", the first of a three-part series detailing a monstrous evil unearthed at a Utica construction site. You can find a PDF scan of the adventure over here.

Weekend Video: The Killing Joke

If you're not a Batman fan this probably won't be entertaining.

If you are, it's downright amazing.

This video was created with a cheap little camera and some bobblehead toys, but what really makes it stand out is the quality of the writing, a clever adaptation of the dialogue from Alan Moore's "The Killing Joke", and the incredible voiceover work.

Weekend Video: Utica 1941, Part 2

Hope your weekend is going well. Here's another one of Lou Barile's incredible videos recounting the history of Utica using vintage news footage. This one features some intriguing looks at the city's schools, including several that no longer longer exist.

Weekend Video: Utica 1941, Part 1

Lou Barile has to be one of Utica's greatest assets. I had the pleasure of working with him at General Electric and his warmth, kindness, and intelligence made a major impression on me.

It's a real pleasure to offer up this video from his extensive historical collection on YouTube, but I have to admit it's rather bittersweet viewing. When you compare the Utica of today with the vitality and innovation it displayed over fifty years ago you begin to appreciate just how much has been lost. That said, this footage is an amazing look at what was once a thriving, influential community.

Utica: No Zombies Without A License

If you're a citizen of Utica considering a career as an evil overlord it would behoove you to make sure you have a license. Without the proper paperwork you're forbidden from summoning or creating demons, zombies, vampires, spectres, spirits, ghosts, banshees, dibbuks, golems, or any other supernatural or undead creatures.

Think I'm joking? Then you'd better take a closer look at what the city's municipal code has to say about necromancers:

Sec. 2-4-1. Designated amusements--License.
(a) Required. Every person exhibiting, conducting or operating any theatric or opera performance, picture show, amusement parlor, concert, circus, carnival, horse show, acrobatic performance or other show including an exhibition of natural or artificial curiosity, feats of legerdemain or necromancy shall first obtain a license.

Utica, Meet Hooterville

This little exercise pretty much defines my "divertimenti" label. It's totally useless and of no real value, but it should provide a few minutes entertainment. Herewith, proof that the City of Utica exists in the same fictional universe as Hooterville of "Green Acres" fame.

1. Dunder-Mifflin, the paper company featured in NBC's "The Office", has a satellite office in Utica, NY.

2. Dunder-Mifflin reserved a large conference room at the Montecito casino in an episode of "Las Vegas".

3. "Las Vegas" had a crossover episode featuring the characters from "Crossing Jordan".

4. An episode of "Crossing Jordan" featured a priest from St. Eligius, the sponsoring church of the St. Eligius Hospital featured on "St. Elsewhere".

5. Three characters from "St. Elsewhere" payed a visit to the bar in "Cheers"

6. "Cheers" spun off "Frasier", where both Daphne and Niles read the comic-strip produced by the titular character of "Caroline in the City".

7. An episode of "Caroline in the City" featured a visit from Chandler of "Friends".

8. Phoebe from "Friends" and Ursula from "Mad About You" are sisters.

9. An episode of "Mad About You" featured Alan Brady from "The Dick Van Dyke Show".

10. Buddy from "The Dick Van Dyke Show" appeared in "The Danny Thomas Show".

11. The Williams family from "The Danny Thomas Show", aka "Make Room For Daddy", also appeared in the remake/revival "Make Room For Granddaddy".

12. "Make Room For Granddaddy" had an episode featuring a visit from Lucy Carter of "Here's Lucy".

13. The character of Mary Jane Lewis on "Here’s Lucy" originally appeared on "The Lucy Show".

14. Lucy Carmichael from "The Lucy Show" appeared in a crossover episode of "Gomer Pyle, USMC".

15. The titular character from "Gomer Pyle, USMC" made an appearance on "Hi Honey, I'm Home!".

16. Another episode of "Hi Honey, I'm Home!" featured Alice from "The Brady Bunch".

17. "The Brady Bunch" featured a visit from...tada...Hank Thackery of "Petticoat Junction", completing the Utica/Hooterville linkage.

That also means, BTW, that in the fictional world of "The Office" Col. Klink from "Hogan's Heroes" actually did command a Nazi prisoner-of-war camp. How do we know this? The Hooterville of "Petticoat Junction" is the same Hooterville featured on "Green Acres". In the infamous "how we met" episode of "Green Acres" we learn that Oliver Wendell Holmes met his future wife Lisa after being shot down in Hungary during WW II. Part of his briefing before that ill-fated mission included instructions that if he should end up at Stalag 13, the prison camp in "Hogan's Heroes", he was to contact Col. Hogan for assistance.

Whitesboro: Wretched Hive of Genocidal Racism. Or Not.

Thinks aren't looking good for Whitesboro:

Of all things, the Whitesboro coat of arms caught my attention, because, more than anything, it strikes me as racist. There’s a stiffness to rampant political correctness; I get that, but still, for a town named WHITESboro, do they really need, as their official seal — the mark of the town that’s featured prominently on official letterhead and town signage — a white guy choking a Native American?

Of course, as my comment demonstrates, things aren't always what they appear to be. If you want the rest of the story, including the tale of a lawsuit filed against Whitesboro for the exact same charge of "racism", head over here.

The Middle Class Nightmare

Drew Carey's latest video for Reason magazine takes a look at the dark forces ripping apart America's middle class. The horror!

Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?

One of our local porn palaces was robbed over the weekend.

Police Sunday night were investigating an armed robbery at Video Express on Oriskany Boulevard.

A man in a ski mask and dark jacket produced a hand gun and demanded money from a clerk at about 6:30 p.m., Yorkville police said.

The man fled out the front door with an undetermined amount of cash, police said.

It's unknown what direction the person went or if the person left in a vehicle or fled on foot, police said.

You know why the gunman was able to get away? Because at most stores reaching into your pants and pulling something out is suspicious behavior. At "Video Express" its just another Saturday night.

::rimshot::

Urk! That's Greek For "This Is Terrible"

I dropped by at Symeon's with a few friends this week and was really looking forward to some great food.

By the time I left I was still looking forward to some great food, but I knew I wouldn't be finding it at Symeon's.

What the hell happened to that place? It used to have phenomenally good meals, but I felt like I'd ended up at the Bizarro world version of the restaurant I remembered.

The Long Weekend Has Begun

Midnight rapidly approaches and I'm just getting in from the first night of the Great American Irish Festival. Despite the questionable weather there was a nice crowd, the music was good, and the beer was excellent. Yeah, it's the Americanized version of proper Imperial beer, but that's what makes it good. That, and the refrigeration. Why those poor sods insist on drinking warm beer is beyond me.

From the mailbag:

"Ha! You're being used by the Democrats!"- I assume this is in reference to the Julian photo which, I might add, provided a wealth of entertainment tonight. It took about ten minutes for someone to realize the boys looked exactly like Bill and Ted flogging their band, so "Wyld Stallions!" became the punchline for the night.

But I digress.

I'm shocked, simply shocked at the suggestion the photo might have come from someone that wanted to open both Mr. Julian and a member of his own party to mockery. Well, duh. So what? That makes it less funny? I'm not a fan of unquestioning tribalism, hence my merciless criticism of Republicans whose actions I find objectionable, and I'll take good material anywhere I can find it. An ass-munch is an ass-munch, whether he's riding a donkey or an elephant, and most of our local politicians are ass-munches first and party loyalists second. Anything that helps to make that more obvious is a very, very good thing.

Speaking of which, you should have seen the shameless schmoozing going on in the VIP tent tonight. There's nothing like an election year to turn a music festival into a full-blown political event, with enough facile back-slapping and glad-handing to make you reach for the hand sanitizer. A situation made even funnier because people were taking the "VIP" thing oh-so-seriously, as though it was a reflection of their actual importance. Believe me, if I could get in the bar was set pretty damn low.

Note: The timestamp reads 8:49 because of my clock settings, but this went up at 11:49. Over ten minutes to spare to make the daily deadline!

I Only Need One

I sweat and I slave to come up with a daily dose of snark and what does everyone want more of? My toys. This is a copy of the "Golden Gun" reproduction I mentioned over the weekend, produced by SD Studios in the late 90's. You can just barely make out the "007" inscribed on the bullet in the picture.

Eight Random Facts

Someone emailed me the "Eight Random Facts About You" meme that's been floating around for a while. You know how it works- you get to read eight facts about your friends or acquaintances and then they use peer pressure to get you to do the same.

Initially I was just going to ignore it and send it off to the trash bin because, one, I'd much rather gossip about other people, and two, I like my anonymity. Then I realized there isn't much material in the news to write about today, encouraging people to attend next week's Great American Irish Festival is a poor excuse for content, and I need to update daily if I actually want anyone to keep reading this thing.

So here are eight random facts that will help you while away the next few minutes of your life. Emphasis on the "random".

1. I've had two articles published in scholarly journals with really long names. The first on deep immersion naval technology and the second on the use of barrier creams for diving in extreme water conditions.

2. I recycled most of those two articles for a game that had some measure of popularity throughout the 90's. A lot more people bought copies of the game than ever read the serious articles.

3. I didn't learn to swim until I was 24.

4. I have a third nipple. So does my oldest son. That is why Francisco Scaramanga from "The Man with the Golden Gun" is the coolest Bond villain ever.

5. I have a hideously detailed reproduction of Scaramanga's Golden Gun on my fireplace mantel. It disassembles into a functional lighter, cigarette case, cufflink, and pen just like the original movie prop. Sadly, it can't fire the fake 4.2mm golden bullet included with the gun.

6. I paid for my non-scholarship college expenses by driving a bulldozer. The cockpit of a bulldozer in the summer sun is the hottest place on earth.

7. I once spent a night behind bars because I matched the description of a gun smuggler. The Border Patrol was extremely apologetic when they realized I wasn't the man they were looking for.

8. My father died when I was very young. Two years ago I discovered he wasn't my father after all, and I have no idea who my real father is. On the bright side, now I know why I'm a foot taller than my siblings.

Update: Someone emailed to find out where they could get one of the "Golden Gun" reproductions. Unfortunately, the makers of the gun, SD Studios, went under after only producing a limited run of the prop in the late 90's. A few come up on Ebay every year, so that's probably your best bet. If you're interested in other spy props you need to pay a visit to The Spy Boys for their incredible selection of items. I'll warn you ahead of time that once you go there you can kiss your next few paychecks goodbye.

GAIF!

Get your tickets now, because there's less than a week to go till the Great American Irish Festival. Music! Beer! Dancers! And that thing they call "football" that they, like, totally ripped off from soccer.

Exclusive: Major New Tenant At Griffiss Business and Technology Park

Flash! In the next few months Rome's Griffiss Business and Technology Park could become home to a major new tenant that would dwarf anything there now. Who is it? The entire United States government! Rome will be the featured capital of the post-nuclear US if CBS executives order additional episodes of "Jericho".

10:45 am: "I don't think any of us thought it would come back when the decision was made [to cancel it], because it only happened one time before," says Barbee, who adds that the Season 2 story will focus solely on the happenings in Jericho. Had there been a full-season pickup, part of the action would've been set in New York.

I bailed on the show after about ten episodes, but I followed the advice of friends and gave it another chance after it's initial cancellation. By then the show was off the air, so I watched the last six episodes of the season, and at time the last six episodes of the show period, via CBS's website. Amazingly, the show somehow turned itself around and was actually pretty good. Even more interesting was the fact that Rome became the "temporary" capital for the most powerful government faction after the country was devastated by a series of nuclear detonations.

After a highly successful campaign by fans upset by it's cancellation CBS ordered seven additional episodes of the series. If the new episodes do well in the ratings the network will commit to another 15 episodes that would, presumably, include the hi-jinks going on in Rome.

If you want to check out the show you can view every episode from the first season over here.

Get Your Tickets Now

If you haven't already, get your tickets now for the Great American Irish Festival. In just three short years this has grown into one of the largest musical events in the state thanks to the hard work and dedication of an immense number of people. I don't even like Irish music and I've always had a great time.

More Utica, 1941

More amazing footage from 1941, posted by a Youtube user that I think is Lou Barile. This one features some great scenes from the Matt Brewery.

The Doldrums

Back when a trans-Atlantic trip was something that took months and had a very high likelihood of being fatal, as opposed to the "Thank you, sir. Gate 4. Would you like the chicken or the veal for your in-flight meal?" convenience of today, the center of the ocean was inhabited by a merciless killer: the doldrums. Stick to the northern or southern reaches and you could rely on a more-or-less continuous wind to propel your fragile little conglomeration of canvas and wood across the waves. Wander off course and you risked straying into a nightmarish stretch of ocean where the wind was a weak and whimpering beast, unreliable at best and dangerously absent at worst.

Today we call it the Intertropical Convergence Zone, but to the leathery scallywags who sailed the seas back then it was a death sentence. Get becalmed in the doldrums and your carefully laid-up month long supply of food and fresh water suddenly had to last five weeks. Or six. Or...well, that was the trouble. You never knew how long you had before Boreas finally took pity on you and blew a gust your way. After a few days the hot, unrelenting sun would turn the fresh water in pitch-sealed barrels foul, making your already un-palatable diet of hardtack and salt beef impossible to digest.

And still the wind refused to blow...until the moist, fatty thighs of your crewmates started looking awfully tasty.

I doubt we'll have to resort to cannibalism, but the inconvenient presence of the 4th of July smack dab in the middle of the week has surely taken the wind out of our sails. It's hard to work up any momentum when you know you'll crash into the holiday emptiness of Wednesday, and on Thursday...well, it's practically the weekend, isn't it? Worse, the doldrums mean there isn't anything other than the Boilermaker really making news, and even that reporting is the usual "Rah, rah!" bring-everyone-together and isn't-it-wonderful stuff we've read for at least the last decade.

It's enough to make a man want to head out of state and smuggle back some illegal fireworks, just to liven things up. Bwahahahaha!

CNY BBQpit

All that homemade charcoal I made a few weeks ago was finally put to use this weekend, hence the lack of updates. BTW, the grill in the picture was built in Utica by a guy that lived in a mud shack in Somalia six years ago. Last year he became an American citizen.

Presto!

Over the weekend I had a great time at magician Leon Etienne's benefit show at New Hartford High School. He did a pretty standard mix of sleight of hand and stage magic, but I thought two segments in particular stood out. The first was a tight sequence of rope tricks that he blazed through with an amazing amount of skill. It was one trick after another, rat a tat tat, and his patter and coordination was phenomenally good.

The second was a very polished presentation of the "Metamorphosis" illusion, popularized by Harry Houdini, that has the magician changing places with an assistant locked in a trunk in the blink of an eye. You've probably seen the trick on television, including a segment in one of Fox's "Masked Magician" specials that revealed how it's accomplished, but seeing it done live is a totally different experience. I'm familiar with the mechanics of how the trick is done and, if anything, that made his performance of it even more impressive.